i wish i could return to your warm hands last summer
the excitement of new romance
fleeting but still real
my gut told me to leave and i didn't
these aren't poems just new lines for every short thought
i should've left

if this is a friendship contest, you win
validate your self worth
warrant your happiness
do what you need to do to feel you haven't lost anything
i can hardly feel it anymore

admire my dull thoughtless eyes
idolize my soft serve privileged opinion
the itch for a cheap fleeting validation

erase any sense of ability and accomplishment.
rationalize the idea of non-existence.
visualize the loss
memorialize my loveless shell
rationalize the idea of non-existence.

its comforting to see a loveless face be hidden
i want to see your mask
i want to watch you pretend
you were right when you said nobody's ever going to love you

are our common interests mine or yours?
were we faking connection for fleeting affection?
i'm afraid to admit i still want it
everything i loved in him is what grew from you
and every scathing trait is absent.
but i was adoring a false image.
egos pushed aside, i don't care if we live or die
if you were on the edge i'd be your push
you're just as ugly as i am

ocular headaches are the most annoying things in the world